Instagram

I just found out that instagram can now be used online. I don't think you could do it before, even though I could definitely be wrong. But, I LOVE INSTAGRAM. here's the link to all my photos on instagram if you're bored and want to follow me. http://instagram.com/apryor20  

Anyway... Life is awesome seriously. It's so busy but I really love it! :) I can't even tell you how happy I am. Like I said in the post from January that I forgot to post and posted last week 2013 is AWESOME. And it's about a month and a half in! I'd say that's a success. 2012 won't even compare to 2013 I can tell :) :) I love it! I choose happiness. 

Perfection

So, recently I’ve had some time to think about this complex word. I decided to look up the definition of perfect in the dictionary and urban dictionary. This is what I came up with the dictionary definition
Perfect
1. Conforming absolutely to the description or definiton of an ideal type
2. Excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement
3. Exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose
4. Entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings
5. Accurate, exact, or correct in every detail

Urban Dictionary: an impossiblity, something unattainable, something that cannot be reached..ever

So, basically urban dictionary is more correct than the dictionary in my opinion. I mean yes, perfection is all of those things in the dictionary definition, but the truth is perfection is unattainable, at least in this life. But, perfection is almost a personal opinion because it isn’t exactly always used the right way. As in oh, I found my perfect boyfriend. Or I found the perfect chair for my living room. Really, even if something is perfect at that point in time, it will eventually become imperfect or the imperfections will come to the surface. But, when it comes to dealing with imperfections. You have to decide with parts of something are more important to you than other things. What a difficult process.

                So, if you’re one of those people that have read previous posts by me, you are familiar with the name Palmer, probably too familiar. But, I’m far past all of that stuff. But, I’ve kind of been thinking about it recently because he got engaged last week. Good for him, good luck for her. But, I was just thinking about how perfect I thought he was. How I thought he had no flaws for YEARS. I knew him pretty well and I still had no idea. I was blocked by whatever was going through my head making me think he had nothing wrong with him. Even after my freak out and being angry that summer I didn’t truly believe yet that he wasn’t perfect. He clearly wasn’t to the outside eye and now years later to me he isn’t. But, at the time I let him throw me around like a rag doll. I cried more over him than I did anything else in my whole teen life. I don’t blame him, in the end it’s my fault for letting it all keep going. But, I didn’t care, I didn’t realize. In my head I think I just kept reminding myself of all the good things and ignoring the bad. Which in most cases that is really good. But, when the bad outweighs the good, that’s when you need to figure out and decide what is really important. Well, that’s my rant about how despite what I thought for so long HE IS NOT PERFECT.

                But, perfection is something that I think we all seek for in a spouse. I think this is a bad idea. Because if we are going to seek perfection, we will never find it and we will just continue to wait for nothing. No matter the person at one time or another they are going to bother us and we are going to feel like we want to just go crazy. But, that’s why we need to be careful to really get to know people before we make such a huge commitment. Don’t we see all around us just constant divorces? It’s crazy how often people get divorced. A lot of that is also that people don’t know how to adapt to imperfections. Its so important to understand that people are imperfect! I cannot stress this enough. I know it might sound like I keep saying the same things over and over again and that’s because I probably am but it’s TRUE.

                Okay, now to a different angle of talking about it. Perfection is something that we are taught to strive for. So, really we’re striving for something that is impossible to achieve! How depressing. We can strive for something and in the end, we know we won’t get there. But, the real catch there is that just because we can’t be perfect in everything all the time. Daily we can be perfect in certain things. If we don’t take things day to day we have already failed.  Daily we should say, hey I was perfectly kind today. Or my thoughts today were perfectly pure today. Also, today could be the day that you are perfect in your diet or in your exercise. Those are all things worth recognizing! Then, even to top it off in our next life, we will be able to achieve perfection! We will be able to go through our lives striving for perfection then we will get to that point where we will be able to achieve all that we've wanted to. We just need to not get frustrated now. We need to work hard every day to achieve those things we wish to achieve. HARD WORK WILL ALWAYS PAY OFF. I promise. So even though for now it’s unattainable it doesn’t mean that that we should stop trying.  

                Now, where the HECK did this come from right? Why am I talking at you readers all of a sudden? I have absolutely no idea. I just really wanted to talk about perfection and it somehow came out like this. I don’t really understand why or how it happened, but it did. But, I’m still going to connect this to my blog. Right now I’m just having a few issues realizing what I need to do in my life. I’m feeling far from perfect. I know I’m not getting into BYUI’s nursing program and I’m sort of afraid to apply to other nursing schools even though I know it is what I want. But, even though I may feel like a failure for a bit, I’m still super happy. So many things are going great in my life right now! I have so many blessings, so many amazing people around me, and great opportunities ahead of me. I’m excited for what the future holds and I’m excited to continue to every day CHOOSE HAPPINESS :D 

2013

This year has been absolutely AMAZING. It is kicking 2012's TRASH in just one short week!! ;) Well let's start with New Year's Eve. I'm including this in 2013 since that day drug into January 1st. Well, I had an interesting evening the night before when a lot of past feelings decided to make an appearance and confuse me. My life sort of was turned upside down really quickly. So, all day I was super confused. Until I went out that night. I had an absolute blast! I was a little tired, but that's okay. I still had a lot of fun bringing in the new year with my friends! :) I really enjoyed being around them even though yes I was tired. I got over it. And when I went home the night ended pretty well too! :)
But, the next morning definitely isn't in my top 10 greatest moments of 2013. But, I was supposed to work that morning and had absolutely no idea. So, when I got a call at 6 (and missed it) because I can't wake up to anything. Then, I got another call at 9. I woke up to that one miraculously and went into work around 9:30. Then, I worked until 2. I came home and  showered or whatever. Then, I met the family that I am now NANNYING for! They are fabulous really!! :) Then, right after that I saw Les Miserables for the second time. It was better the second time for a few reasons. One of those is because of who I was with ;) but I can say I was a little more critical of the singing the second time through. But, I still don't care I still love it so much!! :)
Then, the second was a great day! I got to hang out with my best friend AND ice skate downtown! I even almost mastered backwards skating. I really actually can do it, it's just really slow! But, I don't care I still love it! :] We had such a good time that night! :)
The next day was another interesting one. We went to Defy Gravity (a trampoline park). I decided I wanted to race someone, so I started the race. Then, a friend jumped in front of the friend I was racing and got distracted. Basically I biffed it and landed on my face I don't really remember much of it. I sat up asked if my  nose was bleeding and it started dripping in my hand. Then, I don't really remember much for awhile after that because I passed out. But, it was an experience! Then, it was hurting so bad and I decided to go to the ER instead of an urgent care place because I figured they could give me an IV with pain meds. Nope, that didn't happen. They didn't even give me tylenol for like 2 hours of being there! I was upset I chose the ER over urgent care... dang it! Oh well. They did a CT scan and didn't really find anything. I was told my nose was broken without an x-ray, but I just have to go to a special nose doctor this week and I also had a concussion and had to make sure that didn't get out of hand. So, I have to go into my primary doctor this next week as well. But, this is all a part of life. While I was in the ER I used the call light! Haha. I'm so used to answering them and being annoyed that it took me awhile to have the nerve to push it!  But, that was all just so exciting then after that I went to hang out with everyone before they left town.
Basically I'm looking forward to 2013 it already feels like a fabulous year. I can NOT wait for what the future has in store for me. BRING IT ON 2013!! :) 

Be Happy

This is my first post in awhile. I have been really caught up in what's that called again? Oh yeah.. LIFE. But, nothing exciting at all has happened. So, it's not like I have to catch up my blog with "all that's happened" which is a huge plus really. I have been thinking a lot lately though. I've been making those long four hour drives by myself to Utah weekly and I have had so much time to think. And the other day I was thinking about how happy I was and how great life was when you were happy. I wasn't exactly having everything in my life perfect, as a matter of fact a lot of things were semi falling apart at the time. But, since I take pain medications often for my headaches all my roommates were wondering why I was spreading the word about happiness. I was happy that day and I DID NOT CARE WHO KNEW IT. It was really great actually. It was a glimpse of the old Amanda back in my life. And by the old Amanda I sadly do not mean the skinny faced, skinny stomach, and no muffin topped hips Amanda. Just the happy Amanda, which is really the most important one. But, the issue with all of that is really that I have not been the (so I've been called) "Happy Go Lucky Amanda" I once was. But, I think it was last Friday I was for the first time in quite awhile. It felt great. I felt free. Then, it faded again when I went to work on Saturday. I've really noticed a difference in my life since I have been working on the weekends and the shifts I have on the weekends are 12 hour shifts. So I work from 8 AM to 8 PM. So, because of that work time I am not able to go to my ward for church. But, lucky for me on Sundays at my work members from the nearby ward come by and hold a church service at the assisted living facility I work at. So, every Sunday I get to sing hymns (sometimes play the piano or lead music for them), partake of the sacrament, and listen to a short talk. It isn't real church, but it's a lot more than what others get through working on Sundays so I am grateful for that. But, I have noticed a huge void in my life. I'm missing the most important things because I am missing church. It's extremely disappointing, but I have made it through this semester and I have surely learned my lesson. No more missing church. I also want to be more careful about what Sundays I work and how long. I used to be really good about staying focused on the Savior even while I was just working 8 hour shifts at home, attending the full church service, and being better with my personal relationship with my Savior. But, I am hoping I can just avoid working on Sundays period when I get home. I'll see how successful I get I suppose. But, who knows.

So, anyway this upcoming week is finals week and I'm really NOT excited at all. I wish that I wasn't working on Monday and  Wednesday so I could just be fine and not have to worry about working, but it's alright because I desperately need the money, so I'll make it all work. But, the sooner it's over the sooner I'm in Nebraska with my family. Now, beyond that there isn't much for me in Nebraska, but that's okay. I'm going to make the most out of it and hopefully I can better plan my future and figure out about this whole CYST THING. Yeah, I've briefly mentioned my cyst in my sinus before and when I go see another ENT in Nebraska I'll really be able to figure out if that's an issue with my head or not. Who knows, but I"m hoping I can find out who knows and they can help me out. 

Of course because I always bring up boys, I must bring them up real quick. They are everywhere, asking me on dates all over the place. They want to date me for whatever reason. And I have absolutely no interest. My problem? I have absolutely no idea. But, hopefully one day I'll figure it out. The main problem I have is all these boys that keep coming after me I have no interest for, but other ones... I've definitely had some interest in a few of them. Not anything serious, and nothing that any of them have known, but they just don't happen. I'm not just about to make any moves on any boys. They are going to have to come to me sadly, I'm a bit picky when it comes to that now. But, who knows maybe I'll grow out of this odd stage.

So, on the bright side. I have started to train for a half marathon. Yup, you read that correctly a HALF MARATHON. I have tried this before, but this time is different. This time I'm fatter than I've ever been and have so much motivation it's ridiculous!  I'm actually getting really really excited for this. My brother is training as well and we're planning on finding a race when I get home so we can sign up for it in March. I'm going to be running a half marathon in less than 5 months! It's so crazy awesome! I'm so stoked! Running really keeps me happy and eliminating that from my life the past year or so I think has really messed me up a bit. But, I'm getting back on track. Getting closer and closer to finding the old Amanda again! SHE WILL RETURN. I choose happiness :) 

My Dark Side

This video is pretty much how I've felt this weekend. I love expressing myself through music! I really just wish I could go and play the piano like I did yesterday with my grandma. I don't even know what's going on with me, but I'm having a lot of issues with my personal DARK SIDE. I'm being extremely dramatic and choosing to be hurt by stupid things. But, I'm getting back to that happy place... soon. I really will eventually choose happiness.