RUN!

Tonight I went running. I go running quite often, but tonight I decided to go a different (and longer) route. I found a new course by moving things on Google maps. I made a 5 mile course. There was part of it I'd never been on before. It took me through a dark neighborhood. But, it was pretty sweet. It reminded me of a neighborhood in Nebraska :] The only problem was the 2 EXTRA hills I had to run, but I definitely survived. Actually I more than survived! It was awesome I did 5 miles in 39 minutes! It was so awesome! I was impressed with myself. It feels good to feel good about yourself sometimes. Even if that doesn't impress anyone else, I'm not a great runner. I'm at a way higher altitude than I'm used to, and I just love it anyway! What really kept me going when I got really tired were these wise words from my high school track and cross country coach. "Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment" and "Hold on to the rope!" He used to always tell us to hold on to the rope, and when the rope got too hard to hold onto, tie a knot. The picture is of my running shoes. The red string is a string from him. It keeps me going when I'm running. And not giving up what I want most, I LIVE by this daily! Today, while I was running I think I actually figured out what I want most. But, no one needs to know what that is... yet ;] So, today I'm very happy! :D

Everytime I think of you,
I always catch my breath,
I'm still standin' here and you're miles away,
And I wonder why I left,
And there's a storm that's ragin',
through my frozen heart, tonight.
I hear your name in certain circles,
and it always makes me smile.
I spend my time just thinkin' about you.
And it's almost drivin' me wild.
But, it's my heart that's breakin'
down this long distance line tonight.




There's a message in the wires,
And I'm sending you a signal tonight,
You don't know how
Desprate I've become
And it looks like I'm losin' this fight.
But, it's my heart that's breakin'
Down this long, dusty road of mine.


I ain't missin' you at all.
Since I've been gone, away
I ain't missin' you
No matter what my friends say
There's a message that I'm sendin' out
Like a telagram to your soul
I can't wish this distance to
Stop this heartache over load
I ain't missin' you at all since I gone away.


Parts of the song by Tyler Hilton "Missin' You"


Explains how I'm feelin... about Nebraska. It's sad. BUT I GO HOME IN 5 DAYS!! So, of course today I choose to be HAPPY :]

In the Spirit of Thanksgiving

In the Spirit of Thanksgiving

Relationships

Wow, what a broad topic. Relationships are hard, they are ALWAYS hard! I really don't think there are any exceptions! But, sometimes you can go through something and have it be completely okay. Continue on with the way things were and it won't even matter anymore. Some things are bigger problems. So, they can affect everything possible. But, what's worse than a normal relationship, is  a long distance relationship. It brings so many more problems and confusion into the mix. People get confused and decide to break up. They break up, are just as miserable as before, and even after that they continue to do the same thing. Over, and over again the emptiness that you can feel inside persists. It's so hard to deal with. But, you have to. Because what else are you going to do? Ya know? Then, you even try to move on which of course will never work because you are so in LOVE with this one person that it's not that simple. You can have a guy [or girl] give you a little attention which can satisfy you for short amounts of time. Then, suddenly you realize that it's not what you want. That you want the one who is far away who no longer wants you. So, you go again through the cycle. AGAIN! ='( But, you have to find a way to make it through. To put the things in your life the way you want them to be. You need to figure out if that's really what you want or not. Then, when you realize what you want. You need to standby and let it be. It is up to the other person to decide. This is not all up to you. It is a joint decision to move on and just be friends or to go back to the way things were. Although things are now different. You can't talk about WHAT IF you need to think about WHAT IS. And even when you're going through these things you need to keep your head on straight. I'm trying my hardest. I'm choosing to be happy. I really am. And this next video I will post is a lot of the reason why. :]

Homesickness

I grew up in an average town in Nebraska. Not too big, but not small enough that I knew everyone in the town or around the town. I love everything about Papillion. It was the greatest place to grow up! Up until last summer I lived in the same state, same town, same house, and even the same room. The move to a new room was great! But, it really wasn't a major change. Then, this September I started school up here are BYU-Idaho. It's been so difficult. I've been having homesickness on and off the whole time I've been here. It got so bad about two weeks ago that I would look at flights back to Nebraska daily. So, I always knew what the current rates were. Then, one day a GREAT deal came up. Everything fell into place. My classes that Friday were cancelled, I found a ride to Salt Lake City, and even had a place to stay in Salt Lake. I went home and surprised a few special people in my life and spent a lot of time with my family. What is better to cure homesickness than.. GOING HOME?! It was such a great weekend, but it ended too quickly. When I came back to Idaho things didn't seem so bad. I really had a better attitude. I hate that I took the easy way out. But, just within the past few days things haven't been going so great. I've gotten really homesick and it's been HARD to keep my head on straight and keep up a good mood. But, I've been pushing through. I'm just lucky I have such great people around me and awesome family members back home to miss me. I choose to be happy today. =]

Tests

I've had test anxiety since.. probably forever. I don't understand why it's almost every test where I freak out and lose all the knowledge I previously had just by something labeled as a test. Tests are worth a lot of points for your grade, sometimes all your grade consists of is tests. No, it doesn't make sense. I can take a quiz and be totally fine. I'll even get a 100% on those rare occasions where I actually know what I'm talking about. I wish that all tests could just be called QUIZZES then I most likely wouldn't have any problem with them.  But, sadly that is not the case. And... i will continue to encounter problems with test anxiety. And when I figure out the reason why I'm so weird, I will let you know. Until that day... [which will be never] I still choose to be happy. Especially today. ;)

Bad days

I know everyone has had a bad day, at least one in their life. I had an absolutely TERRIBLE one today. Let's just say it started out with missing my ride with my roommate to the other side of campus. So, being without a car I had to walk. it was 7:33 when I left my apartment for a 20 min walk to class, which started at 7:45. To make matters worse as soon as I look out the window it's raining. It's not like I had gotten ready or anything, but I was sort of upset. But, decided to tough it out with my good 'ol columbia jacket. I step outside and I felt like INSTANTLY the rain turned to snow. I am anti-snow. [well this early in the year] I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing at the time. All I knew is I was freezing and really needed to get to class. I was not happy at all! Then, I went to my class soaking wet, of course when I walked in everyone just had to find out about why I looked so bad. As if I didn't already know I looked horrible, and they didn't know. It was VERY obvious that it was snowing outside, it was almost unreal all day! Then, that repeated for my next class. I went to go have lunch and had some awesome soup! Then, after I was done with that I just wanted some hot chocolate. So, I bought my hot chocolate, expecting amazingness. Then, all it was was hot water, the hot chocolate machine was out! So, to try to keep warm with my still dripping wet hair and my soaking wet clothes I huddled real close to my cup of warm water. Only got a few weird looks. Oh who am I KIDDING?! I go to such a judgemental school! I got way more than a few weird looks! It was really awful. I froze the rest of the day until I got home. Then, I decided to suck it up and get used to it. I'm now over it and I chose to be happy today :]

Realize

I've realized so much in the past few days. It's almost like a personal "epiphany" if you want to call it that. Sometimes you can want something more than anything in the world, do everything you can to achieve this something, and still get nowhere with it. Sometimes the things we want most are unimportant. They are not worth our efforts. And many times it is hard to realize this ourselves [that this something is unimportant]. I think today I've experienced that realization. I've chosen to let go and move on. If something is going to happen, something that I want, well good for me. But, if it doesn't I'm prepared to still continue my life as I am. I'll continue life in happiness. I choose to be happy.

The first of many

I've randomly decided to start a blog. This isn't one of those blogs where I'm doing it so people can see my life. It's not one of those where you wait for people to comment and find out what they want you to do. This blog is for me. All for me. People are totally open to view and comment. But, this is going to be where I can write whatever I want. and I choose to be happy.