Hurt

So, I'm just going to straight up share my story. I've been dating a guy for a little while now. But, I have known him for even longer. So, it wasn't really necessary to "take things slow in the beginning". There wasn't much talking, we just basically started going on dates. We had a great time when we went out. We have a lot of chemistry. His only problem. He's not a member. I guess the reality of him not being a member became apparent last week at my work party. He had a sip of rum. To the world it's just a sip of rum. To me, it was a reality check. We may not have kissed yet (multiple reasons for that), but we did have a connection and to the outside world we looked like we were together holding hands. I wasn't just going to let it pass from my mind and all week I couldn't let it slip. We had a great time last night and today we went shopping. Afterward we were driving back and I started talking out of the blue (I wasn't even thinking about it!) about how I hate dating and don't like how he isn't mormon. It's really interesting how the Lord works. I've been praying to understand how to get over my feelings for him or find a way to make it work the Lord's way. I think I figured out that really it was just something I needed to get through. He made me happy, we had a great time together, he had good values, but he didn't believe and understand the gospel. Holding the priesthood has always been at the top of my list for "the perfect husband". He would always talk about how the purpose of dating is worth the risk and that you never know if your prince or princess is right in front of you. He wasn't saying I was his princess and he didn't say it in that context, but he was right, the purpose of dating is to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, regardless of what the rest of the world believes. To him, right now this seems really unfair. He is upset with me because he knows that I knew I wasn't going to marry him from day one of meeting him. He doesn't understand why I even dated him in the first place. Faith doesn't just change attraction. When you have so much interaction with someone it's hard to resist the connection you have. I feel horrible for what place he is in right now. But, I know it was what was best for me. My testimony was strengthened through this experience. I realized how important eternal marriage is. I want those blessings stated in my patriarchal blessing. I want to be able to return to my Heavenly Father one day and say I did what you asked, I followed the path you paved for me. I want him to embrace me and say, I know it was hard but I'm glad you did it. I didn't know I needed to better understand the importance of eternal marriage to my personal life but I think I did. It was a rough thing for me to even date with how big of an introvert I have become, but I think the outcome is good. I'm grateful for this little piece of strange added to my life. I choose happiness.