Realizations

So, lately I have had a lot of decisions to make. I figured out where the Lord wanted me and I have made the hard decision to stay in Omaha and continue with the amazing job that I have with The Nebraska Medical Center. Before I continue I was to tangent off about how great my job is. I have worked in a nursing home for 3 years and the transition to a hospital has been amazing! I absolutely love the atmosphere with everyone running around going different places. Just in the short week I have seen so many different cases and experienced so much. I love seeing and learning from so many intelligent doctors. Seeing so many people that actually care about patients all the time. It is truly magical. Seeing patient's faces when they are so relieved their surgery went well and they are safe. Plus the company itself is rock solid! It's just absolutely amazing. I LOVE MY JOB! :D Anyway, with all of these decisions I have really been noticing who is around and who isn't. It's interesting that none of my "friends" have even been calling me up from Omaha. It seems like before I made the decision to stay everyone was talking to me, trying to convince me to stay, wanting to hang out all the time, exc. But, now that I am staying I feel like I have nothing. I feel so torn. My brother is moving out, which is fabulous for him. He wants me to move out with him but I want to save a lot more money before I start throwing out money for rent that isn't necessary. Basically what I have realized is that I don't have any true friends in Omaha, they are all superficial. All of my real friends are around the country and sadly not around all the time. Thank goodness for skype. It's seriously amazing. Another thing I was realizing was that I think literally everyone I am close to is getting married in 2013. It's so exciting! :) But, it's also sad because I know once they are all married our friendships will not be the same and may not even exist. We will see I suppose. Basically right now I'm just feeling pathetic because I'm feeling so alone after this week's events. But, I know what I'm supposed to do and I'm not going to let anyone change my mind. Even if that leaves me completely alone for some time. I will survive and I am HAPPY. I think the best way to make friends is to be a friend. So, I'm going to start fresh and start being a friend to everyone :) I choose happiness.

Yup. Just ME. MYSELF. AND I. 

Who knew this is how it could all begin...

This is so adorable. I just had to share it finally. I've been obsessed with it forever. :) I choose happiness.

Listening to the Spirit

It is so hard to go through our lives making decisions if we have to make them alone. This time in life (meaning early 20's time frame) for me has been so difficult. I am one of the most indecisive people ever. If I had to choose between making a decision and jumping off a bridge. Sometimes I really would jump off the bridge. It is so hard for me to close off options or opportunities that present themselves in my life. Truly, I want to do them all. Right now I have a lot of different decisions that I have to make and each decision has multiple factors. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. I'm so afraid of everything that will happen, who it will effect, and especially how it will effect me and my future. But, over the past 24 ish hours I have really realized the importance of listening to the spirit. Making sure I am worthy enough to listen, setting aside time to listen, and providing more opportunities to listen. But, I have to learn patience first. I am doing these things but I am not getting much of anywhere with it. I need to learn patience almost more than I need to learn to make decisions. My fear is that Heavenly Father is going to trust me to make this decision on my own. I understand how important agency is, but I really would just love for Him to tell me exactly what I should do to go along the path that He wants me on. I am willing to take the leap of faith in that direction... If only I knew what that direction was. I know that I will find my answer I just need to search and listen more diligently. It's very hard not to listen to outside influences, but I need to focus on not listening to what others think about it. No one can receive revelation for me except for me. I am seeking and I cannot wait to find my answers in my life. I am so grateful for the Holy Ghost that I have been blessed with. The peace that it brings me is indescribable. Without the Holy Ghost I wouldn't know what was right and what was wrong and even though I am occasionally confused about that...I know that is my listening skills that I am here on earth to perfect. It will take time, but I know Heavenly Father is there listening to my every prayer and my every plea. I choose happiness. :)

Never Love Anyone Fully

This song sort of describes how I am. I haven't "loved anyone fully". Well, I have but that's exactly why I stopped. It's probably dangerous considering the fact that I want to get married! Having one foot on the ground is easy, makes sure I won't be hurt. But, at the same time that's what life is about. It's about GETTING HURT. Life is about hard times. But more importantly it is about getting back to the good after something hard. Standing up and having no worries in the world because you know that you learned something from those hard moments. Then, it always seems that the second you get back up something else has to happen. Someone told me just to take it one day at a time. He was so right. It's important to take everything one day at a time, be happy where you are, and understand that everything will work out in the end. All of this being said. I want to switch gears and take this post into a different direction. My grandma isn't doing well. She has had pnemonia for about a month now and her blood pressure has dropped. She is giving up. She is refusing hospice and she doesn't want to be admitted to the hospital. I couldn't be more upset that I have to work right now. I want to fly out right now. I brought up some ideas, but she is in Idaho and I don't think she will like my ideas. I love her so much. She has influenced me so much. She is a wonderful pianist. Some of these photos are from her 90th birthday in November that I got to spend with her because I was nearby. I am so grateful I was able to be there with her! I transferred her to the piano bench instead of her playing in her wheelchair she got to sit on the bench and she played a lot of pieces from memory. It was wonderful. I'll probably be posting a lot about her for awhile. But, I'm hoping I can see her one more time before she passes. We will see. I love her so much. I choose happiness.