The past few days I've really really really wanted to blog. But, I haven't really been choosing to be happy. I can't write on my blog about choosing happiness if that's not actually what i'm doing! That makes NO sense!! Well, I started this blog post last week. At that time I was still obviously trying to choose happiness. It was very difficult. CHANGE that's why I couldn't choose it. CHANGE IS stinking HARD! So, basically last week was really difficult for me. I had someone in my life I was (thought I was) close to. I thought things were completely different than they were for months. I feel like a complete idiot. But, it is completely my fault. There is nothing I can blame on this person. I was the problem, everything I did was wrong. I'm sure I'm too much. Also I'm sure being around a person like me I'm sure is very difficult. I can't seem to choose a personality. I can't decide who I am anymore. Things about me bug even me myself. I try to be someone who I think I am and it just never works out. That's kind of what I've been determining this past week. WHO AM I? I've come up with multiple answers.
1. I am a child of God. We all have a Heavenly Father who created us and I am his child as well as are you.
2. I am a woman, a woman with divine internal qualities (that I haven't really tapped into yet, sorry... I told you I was working on it)
3. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Meaning I am a mormon, yes... soon I will do my mormon.org profile)
4. I am a daughter, my parents are the greatest and have done so much for me as I grew up in their home. They taught me so many important things and they have been there for me my whole life. Recently in these past few months of my life they have done so many things for me it's really just insane. I love them so much.
5. I am a sister. I have 2 brothers and a sister. They are all older than me and protect me so well. I'm lucky to be the youngest and have all of their life experiences to learn from as well as my own. They are the greatest siblings in the entire world and I wouldn't know what to do if I wasn't honored enough to call them my siblings.
6. I am an aunt. Since I was 8 years old over these years I've been adding to my tallies of nephews and nieces. Today I was made an aunt one more time :] I have a new nephew Logan Wilson Pryor. He looks amazing. Even though I'm not there to see him right now I know he is loved and all is well. I love all my nephews (4) and neices (3). They bring me so much joy.
7. I am a CNA. That's my current occupation I suppose. People think I'm absolutely insane, but that's because they don't understand. (Not that I understand, but still) Being a CNA gives me a sense of satisfaction. Helping those who can't help themselves fills me with an indescribable joy. I love the people I take care of. I am blessed to be a part of their lives.
8. I am a pianist. Well, I actually wouldn't say I'm a "pianist", but I do play the piano. I love it. It's one of the biggest stress relievers. I love how free I feel when I play. I feel like I am the person I am supposed to be at that point, if only I could feel that way all the time.
9. I am a runner. I love running, it's almost as satisfying as playing the piano. But, it's really not quite that satisfying. I love running in races and that feeling of satisfaction after finishing a race after all the hard work.
The rest is I guess what I really need to figure out. Lots of prayer, fasting, pondering, and trips to the temple are to come. Sometimes life can be super hard to figure out. Trying to decide how to react to certain situations, it's so easy just to not say anything specifically to say, complain to others about how "awful" life is, and just let everything good slip out of your life. I started that way, but as hard as it is to be happy it is SO worth it! I've already reaped the affects of that attitude. It's so wonderful just being happy! I do love life though. I've still had a grand time with catching up with friends I've slightly neglected (I'm sorry, I'm terrible) and meeting lots of new people. I really don't think I've met more people in a single week. I am finally choosing to be happy again and I'm so glad I can finally blog about how happy I am again. :] CHOOSE HAPPINESS. There's really no other logical way to go through life!
1. I am a child of God. We all have a Heavenly Father who created us and I am his child as well as are you.
2. I am a woman, a woman with divine internal qualities (that I haven't really tapped into yet, sorry... I told you I was working on it)
3. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Meaning I am a mormon, yes... soon I will do my mormon.org profile)
4. I am a daughter, my parents are the greatest and have done so much for me as I grew up in their home. They taught me so many important things and they have been there for me my whole life. Recently in these past few months of my life they have done so many things for me it's really just insane. I love them so much.
5. I am a sister. I have 2 brothers and a sister. They are all older than me and protect me so well. I'm lucky to be the youngest and have all of their life experiences to learn from as well as my own. They are the greatest siblings in the entire world and I wouldn't know what to do if I wasn't honored enough to call them my siblings.
6. I am an aunt. Since I was 8 years old over these years I've been adding to my tallies of nephews and nieces. Today I was made an aunt one more time :] I have a new nephew Logan Wilson Pryor. He looks amazing. Even though I'm not there to see him right now I know he is loved and all is well. I love all my nephews (4) and neices (3). They bring me so much joy.
7. I am a CNA. That's my current occupation I suppose. People think I'm absolutely insane, but that's because they don't understand. (Not that I understand, but still) Being a CNA gives me a sense of satisfaction. Helping those who can't help themselves fills me with an indescribable joy. I love the people I take care of. I am blessed to be a part of their lives.
8. I am a pianist. Well, I actually wouldn't say I'm a "pianist", but I do play the piano. I love it. It's one of the biggest stress relievers. I love how free I feel when I play. I feel like I am the person I am supposed to be at that point, if only I could feel that way all the time.
9. I am a runner. I love running, it's almost as satisfying as playing the piano. But, it's really not quite that satisfying. I love running in races and that feeling of satisfaction after finishing a race after all the hard work.
The rest is I guess what I really need to figure out. Lots of prayer, fasting, pondering, and trips to the temple are to come. Sometimes life can be super hard to figure out. Trying to decide how to react to certain situations, it's so easy just to not say anything specifically to say, complain to others about how "awful" life is, and just let everything good slip out of your life. I started that way, but as hard as it is to be happy it is SO worth it! I've already reaped the affects of that attitude. It's so wonderful just being happy! I do love life though. I've still had a grand time with catching up with friends I've slightly neglected (I'm sorry, I'm terrible) and meeting lots of new people. I really don't think I've met more people in a single week. I am finally choosing to be happy again and I'm so glad I can finally blog about how happy I am again. :] CHOOSE HAPPINESS. There's really no other logical way to go through life!
Yeah. I am probably just some random person you will never meet. You may even delete this comment, hey who knows? But I do have a question. I read your blog and it was nice to see you choose happiness (I did the same- that same summer actually... small world). Yet, choosing happiness is one thing. Amanda, what I kind of wonder. Is what drove you to make this decision?
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't delete your comment, but you're probably someone I'll never meet? Or have I met you? But what did you do that same summer? Choose happiness? I'd love to hear your story. I was just wondering if you were referring to my whole blog, or just specifically this post? I'll make a new post sometime this week explaining what drove me to make the decision to choose happiness. Thanks for the feedback.
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