Dieting

Dieting is the most RIDICULOUS thing in the entire world! It's totally not worth the work! I've been trying to lose weight forever.. Well, actually I've only actually been putting forth an effort for about a month. Meaning... I joined a gym, started buying healthy food, I have a food log... the whole shebang. Obviously, I'm not seeing results yet, it's only been a little while. But, honestly I'm not sure how long I can do this. I know it would be a good thing if I could keep it up for the rest of my life. I'm sure I'd be a heck of a lot healthier... but I just don't think I can do it! It's kind of frustrating, but I'm most definitely working on it and I'm being very active. VERY ACTIVE. Trust me. And being active is keeping me happy. Today I choose happiness.

Random Poetry

This is a nerve racking experience, not that anyone actually READS my blog, but I have a few things I've written on my phone. I know that sounds pathetic, but it's like one of those things you were in a moment, and I wrote it right then and there. They don't make sense and are kind of ridiculous.

I try not to think,

But all I do is blink,

To try to hide the tears,

That make me want to shrink,

I try to be all cheers,

But the feelings I have for you,

Make me want to say I love you.

But, not any day soon.

It's just a possibility 

I wish I was your priority,

The sooner I realize I'm not, 

I'll be out of this spot.

Leaving you is the hardest thing I have ever done. 

I came back to see the Nebraska sun. 

I saw you there, you were in shock,

We went for a spin around the block,

For a second I felt like you still cared, 

But you never would have shared. 

I miss you.

I want to be with you. 

I love you.
You're the person, 

That I believe could be with me,

So I don't begin to worsen,

Please come back and be mine.

I miss the butterflies,

I miss the cries,

Even the lies,

That brought us to our goodbyes.

Yeah, I'm single.

But all I can think about is how much I still love you.

It really makes me tingle,

All I want to hear from you is "I still love you too."

I hate that I had to go,

I really have nothing to show,

For all the happiness you brought to me,

Just memories that will always be.

YEAH see, cheesy stuff. I need a whole lot of WORK. But writing these are what help me choose to be happy ;D

Missing the Past

This past year I've changed so much it's absolutely ridiculous. I can't even remember the way things used to be. I guess I mean my life has changed, not so much me. Meaning, at this time last year is a complete 180. I don't even SPEAK to half of the people I was friends with a year ago, I don't think that's normal. I've actually come to the conclusion that there's something wrong with me. I mean I'll overcome it whatever it is but I need to figure it out. At this time last year I was going to school and working part time, only like 16 hours a week. Now, I'm working 2 jobs working on average 60 hours a week, barely having any time for myself and hanging out with people 5-8 years older than me. It's definitely NOT how I pictured my "winter break" from school at BYU-Idaho... oh by BYU-Idaho. What a peculiar place. But, anyway I've been thinking about that lately, and I'm mostly trying to decide if I would have rather had last year be the way it was or change it, and I know that I would change A LOT about 2010 if I could. But, obviously now, it is much too late and I need to suck it up and move on. 2011 has been a start I cut my hair and gave it to locks of love. Possibly symbolizing a new me. I'm working on the new me, she doesn't really understand where she's going or what she's doing she is just taking it one day at a time for now. But, I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY. And I'm pretty sure if I didn't choose it, I wouldn't be happy.