Change

It's so difficult to deal with. But, everything is constantly changing and there is nothing we can do about it. There are a few things we can control but the things we can control a lot of times we CHOOSE not to control. Something like choosing to go to school far away from friends and family, then after realizing it was the BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE. But, at the same time you can't accept that you chose what you wanted to do at the time, then when it didn't turn out the way you wanted, it's suddenly someone or everyone else's fault. We like to blame things on the world, things we can't control ourself. It makes us feel more like a victim. Being the victim is so easy. People tend to get on your side, feel sympathy for you, for anything in your life. So, you feel like it's okay to pity yourself. I've done it so many times. But, this is because of the many faults I have. Changes continue to come into my life especially this past year. I feel like it's made me a little more vulnerable to other things. Especially my emotions. I've done a lot of changing within myself in different ways this past year as well. I'm trying to figure out who I used to be, but I'm not sure when I'll find out who I was or if I will ever get back to that point. Not that I necessarily appreciate the person I used to be more than I do the person I am now, just that I feel that I was happier then (a year ago). I feel like the changes have piled up enough and caused enough self inflicted pain that I need to learn to ignore, not to care, not to get short or upset, and just to focus on the good. Forget about the bad and move on. All I need to do is find myself, be happy and accept change. I am accepting the changes for what they are and I choose to be happy. :]