3 Unforgettable days

Sometimes when you meet someone you can't forget it. Even if it was just a few days, it could be so much that you can still feel it awhile after. But, for me meetings like this seem to be more one sided. And the one side being mine. It's really heartbreaking when I meet someone and would make so many sacrifices for them. But the problem is they live in another state (specifically Provo). I have prayed so many times about moving to Provo, it's never right. It makes me really sad every time I have gotten a no. I want to be with more righteous people my age. My patriarchal blessing says I will marry a returned missionary, who is he?! Where is he?! He isn't here because I've already gotten to know all the returned missionaries here. Maybe he is still on his mission. But dang. Hurry up bro. You're killing me. I want to be with you right now. Everyone else is married, I'm ready to start that part of my life. Well, as ready as I'll ever be. (clearly this is the rant talking, obviously I could be more ready) I have already passed up a wonderful man I could have married and I won't be doing that again. (Salt gets thrown into the wound every time his wife tries to reconnect with me. Which is a courageous act, but I'm sorry, the moment you decided to date him was the moment you lost me, it's too difficult for me to see them together. Even a little bit to this day.) I have learned my lesson. But I know that he will have to be better than that guy I almost married which honestly will be quite difficult. I want to love and to be loved. I don't want to force anything, but I am ready for the gradual process to begin. I wish he was here now. I wish I could find him today. I want to have this feeling I have for someone I know deeply on an emotional level and have them feel the same way. Is that so difficult? YES. Of course it's difficult! If finding love was easy everyone would be married and would live happily every after! There would never be any divorces or unhappy marriages. Clearly all of these exist, so we (singles) just continue with our awesome lives (and that isn't sarcastic) waiting for someone to change our lives and if we're smart we are seeking someone to change our lives. But, right now. I have no one to seek, and I am content. I won't shoo away any prospects if they were to happen to come about, but I also am not willing to be set up or have anything weird similar to that take place. The last time I decided to do that... yeah... NOT a good decision. Big regrets. But, I have nothing to do except to forget and learn from my mistakes, then keep moving forward. Well, since this went from my confusing unclear feelings about someone I met a few months ago to me being single I actually find these two things connected. No, I'm not waiting for this guy to all of a sudden want to do distance (he has a girlfriend now for goodness sake!) It's just weird because I have feelings for him and I just can't get him out of my head. No one has been able to change that for me yet. I haven't met anyone that struck me as much as he did in just a short 3 days. I just need to calm my thoughts about it and move away from thinking about him. I need to put him out of my head instead of allowing myself to think about him. In the meantime I choose happiness. :) 

Marriage

This is so huge and true! Marriage is not for me.

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

I realize today I'm kind of using my blog as a way to share things similar to facebook.  But, lately I've just hated most everything about facebook and anything truly social. So, I feel like only sharing things on my blog without the "likes" and the comments on everything even though I still want comments on my blog. I've also realized that probably isn't going to happen. Anyway, one day when I get married, it won't be for me it will be about the other person. Someone that I care about more than anyone else. I haven't found that love yet and I can't wait until I find it. But, I also have a feeling I'll be waiting at least a year and a half. Of course this is a random number ;) I choose happiness. 

SMILES

SMILES :) :) :) :) :) :) I love music, The Wizard of Oz, and this mashup! :) I choose happiness.