SOOOOOO excited!!

This is a video I made over a year ago just about. It's about me and my 3 best friends. Marissa, Kristina, and Shaela. I love them SOOOO much. They make me SOOOOO happy!! :D Seriously in general friends are just the greatest. Sure, you go through rough patches.. but you MAKE IT! This week has been wonderful preparing for Kristina's wedding which is on Saturday! I cried when she came out in her wedding dress on Sunday I'm not gonna lie. But, I am sooooo happy! Preparing for all the parties and appointments this week has been wonderful. I absolutely LOVE being a bridesmaid!! I can't wait to PARTY IT UP on Saturday! :) I love my friends. I'm so glad I have them. Especially since right now a lot of hard memories have been popping up into my thoughts and they distract so well. Because when I am so caught up in choosing happiness I have no time to choose sadness! I LOVE THEM!!!! :] I choose happiness :) I am so blessed!!!! 

Alex G is amazing!

I am really having some struggles with boys right now. I'm getting pulled back and forth I feel like. But, I can only think about one right now and this song really does it all for me. I'm in love with her :) lucky for me a good friend introduced me to Alex G, She is absolutely wonderful!!! :]

I'll explain my drama in my next post, but for now I choose happiness.

Living one day at a time

I feel like I have been posting on here a whole lot because I started a New Testament class awhile ago and I have been posting every week for that on its page, but I haven't don't an OFFICIAL blog post in about a month and a half and I feel like I could post forever. Because this past month and a half ish has felt like forever. I can't even believe it actually. I'll probably stay up forever tonight, write a bunch of posts and just randomly post them later. But, at the same time I have absolutely no idea what I'll do. Actually, that phrase is the perfect transition into what's been happening with me. This past month or so I have been living that way, not having any idea what I'm doing or what I'll be doing in the near future, and I especially don't know what I'm doing in the far future! It's actually been really annoying more than anything... So, I have to tell the story.. So, I planned to go to Provo then up to Idaho with a few friends from Nebraska. We drove up to Provo spent a night up there and a day then left in the evening on a Sunday. So, we made it fine to Provo and then drove up to Rexburg the next day. My car had been hanging out at my apartment complex because I had to come home so suddenly for my headache that I had to fly and literally leave my life behind. (I say life because I had to leave JOSH COOK, my job, my apartment, friends, and car then come to Nebraska with none of those.) Anyway, so we spent a few days in Rexburg. I got to see a few people I hadn't hung out with in awhile and it was a blast. Oh and I got JAMBA JUICE, nothing can beat that!! :] It was a great week.. here's a break from my rambles and a few pictures from my week. (I want more pictures in my posts...)

                                             mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm :]

                                                      GOTTA love JAMBA!!!

                                                   I went rock climbing :) YES!

                                            

                                             Got to hang out with some old buddies ;]

                                   







I LOVE KIWI LOCO! It's the greatest frozen yogurt... yes better than orange leaf and red mango.. sorry but it's a fact of life! PLUS the whole place is green... ya can't beat that! :)

 

We also went to Sammy's :) DELICIOUS!

I really really missed Rexburg and realized it even more once I got there! It was an amazing week. It did get a little stressful because I wasn't used to so many distractions from homework so I got a little stressed when homework due dates came up.. but I definitely made it through the week! But, Thursday night was a little sad... Marissa and I were going to watch Breaking Dawn [don't judge] and I had taken quite awhile to convince Marissa to watch it. She had read the books but wouldn't watch this movie, I admit that they are not super good movies that I would want to watch over and over again. But, they are just cheesy enough for me (except the first Twilight BLECK!) So, I spent a decent amount of time convincing Marissa to watch it and by the time I had her set and we found someone who had the movie... I got a phone call from a friend. He had borrowed my car and the second I saw he was calling my heart sunk. I looked at Marissa and said, it's Kyle, they got in an accident. So, I answered and on the other line I first hear,
"Hey Amanda, you aren't going to like this but we got in an accident with your car."
My heart sunk even more and I started to sort of freak out. But, I only freaked out internally. I started asking where he was, how bad the damage was... exc. Then, all of a sudden I was speaking with a police officer who was giving me directions to my wrecked car. Kyle on the phone said it was bad, but I still wasn't expecting the worst for some reason. I was really calm once we left our apartment. I was just focused on what I had to do because it was my car and I had to get done whatever had to be done to get my car fixed. We could see the police lights from a few miles away. It was real... it wasn't a dream (well nightmare). We arrived at the scene of the accident and traffic had to slow down and get around it because it took up a good portion of the road. The first thing I saw was the glass on the ground. I started to freak out, meaning tears and hyper-ventilating. I'm so glad Marissa was there because she suggested that we say a prayer. She said, "do you want me to say it?" and I said yes. It was amazing what spirit was brought into that car! I wiped my tears away and it was like they were never there to begin with. It was amazing what tender mercies we receive when we ask (or our best friend asks in my case). I took a deep breath, opened the door and walked over to the accident. I felt bad because I realized I hadn't asked them how they were and if anyone was even hurt. So, I asked them first thing and apologized for not asking sooner. They were all okay though THANK GOODNESS! (oh yeah, my car was full so there were 5 people in there!) Then, the police officer talked to me a bit and checked out the damage. This was it... (some weren't from the day of..)

 So basically that's the damage... Kyle was making a U-turn and got t-boned by an older woman who passed the double yellow lines to try to pass him a little faster because he looked like he was turning right. Her car didn't look much better than mine =( We were there for awhile I can't remember how long. But, my car wasn't drivable obviously. So, we had to watch it get towed away. It was sad, but it worked out I made it through. The next thing I had to worry about were the doctors appointments I had in Salt Lake City the next morning. Luckily I have MARISSA (the greatest friend in the entire world!!!) First she was going to drive me to Salt Lake, then she realized she had class and couldn't. Then, she was going to lend me her car to drive and her mom wasn't comfortable with it. I called way too many rental car places and it was really difficult. Especially because you need to be 21 to rent cars and I'm only 20 and it was 11 something at night so everything was closed and I couldn't wait until they opened the next morning. Then, I decided to get a salt lake express ticket to get to the airport and I was hoping I could rent a car once I got to the airport. When I got to the airport the next day I couldn't rent a car underage. There were some websites that let you rent underage.. but not the airport! Grr. I was getting really frustrated. I felt extremely alone. But, I finally ended up paying for a cab to take me to my appointment which ended up being more than my shuttle ticket. It was quite frustrating financially. But, I will make it through I hope. Then, another tender mercy came into my life. A friend from Nebraska who is from Utah's parents (Kynzi) let me borrow their car! It was a HUGE blessing! I was able to borrow it to get to my second appointment. I made it through my appointments for the day and I made it to Provo to stay where I had a blast! :) I actually really like Provo! It's a fun city! But, anyway I found out I had to stay for a week because of doctors so I ended up being able to borrow Kynzi's parents' extra car for a week and stay in Provo. It was such a tender mercy! I had a good week doing random things. I'll do a separate posts for my Provo adventures, but I'm definitely grateful for TENDER MERCIES. Without them I would be struggling so much more. Anyway so I went through a week of treatments and a friend I was hanging out with while in Provo had a friend who was driving up to Rexburg the upcoming weekend so I thought i was going to be able to go with her, but she ended up bailing out a day before because she was busier than she thought. I was again blessed to be able to use the car I was borrowing and drive it to Rexburg and back after the weekend was over. I packed up my apartment and put it in a storage unit. It was really hard, especially with a headache. The Lord always helps me when I need something done I don't have extreme pain in my head. Sometimes I feel teased, because sometimes I feel like right after the hard (or important) thing is over my bad head pain comes right back. So, through all of this that was happening things could have been A LOT worse, but they weren't because I was very blessed because Heavenly Father loves me! So, anyway... eventually my parents were a little back and forth about me coming home for the fourth of July. (ps...the fourth of July in the Pryor family is THE BIGGEST thing ever! It's our favorite!! And we do it right!) So, last Sunday night my mom and dad told me they had decided to keep me out in Idaho/Utah. So, I accepted that and then the next morning I had a text from my dad saying they gotten me a plane ticket home! It was pretty exciting! :] But, as great as that was it changed my plans again and I had plenty of things to figure out.. so I found a way to Utah and my brother used some hotel points to allow me to stay in a hotel really close to the airport that had a shuttle to the airport I used in the morning. It was an AMAZING night. That will also be talked about in my next post.. Anyway I had a king sized bed and it was definitely on my list of tender mercies. I have had so much help from the Lord. I love him so much and I am so grateful for His love. He is what has gotten me through this difficult time! But, I have been in Nebraska for almost a week now (I flew in on July 4th). It hasn't been super great and I have been struggling with choosing happiness. But, today I have found it!  My smile is back and I can say I am choosing happiness :) And HAPPINESS is so much better than sadness! Happiness is always the best choice! :]

Remember when I said I was over it?

I don't know what is going on this week. But, I have been all over the place emotionally. Thinking at one point that I knew what I wanted and it never was. Nothing in my life feels right. I know all of the guys wanting to date me right now are not right. I don't want any of them. (well right now I don't at least) I make it sound like there are a lot but really there are only 2 that if I called showed up and said, hey! Let's date they would love it. Then, there are others where there are complicated circumstances that make it so I shouldn't and couldn't (shouldn't) actually date. Anyway.. I'm still confused about a lot of stuff. I just know a certain someone is coming back from a mission soon and I don't want to be in the same state as him when he gets home but I'm going to be! I would be okay if he stayed on his mission for the rest of my life so I didn't have to know that there was a possibility of running into him at church activities. I just know how much he doesn't like me and I don't want to face him because I know how much I love him now, it would only get worse and I would hurt more if I saw him again. 

It's Just a Memory: 

They are something to hold on to, 

Something to remember, 

Some make us smile, 

Some make us laugh, 

Some make us angry, 

Some fill us with regret, 

When I think of a specific memory,

I feel the hurt and the pain. 

The love that hasn't left my heart, 

The heart that he still holds. 

The heart I gave him long ago. 

I need to forget,

But, I can't. 

I can't because I don't want to forget. 

I want then to be now. 

I miss the memory, 

I miss that life. 

I miss him. 

But, none of it matters. 

He doesn't miss me. 

He wants nothing to do with me, 

The only problem is I don't know why. 

It makes me want to cry.

I don't know what I did to him,

I would never hurt the one I love.

All I want is his happiness, 

And if that happiness is not with me, 

Then I will find a way to be happy,

Somehow.  

But, still I choose happiness. :)

The Past Four Months- A Relationship I Never Asked For

Well, first of all I want to say that I have started about five or six posts and just never finished them. I really wanted to blog but every time I would start I would feel like I was too overwhelmed with other things to do to be able to finish it, so I never would. But, of course as soon as I decide I wasn't going to make a post I would head straight to Facebook or Pinterest. DANG those things are addicting!!! But, the past is the past and here I am posting...

So, four months and two days ago I woke up with a headache. It wasn't anything extreme that day. I took some pain pills hoping they would help, but it was one of those headaches where it was just too late to take them. So, I just went to sleep and assumed that in the morning it would be gone, since that is what normally happens to me when I have a headache I can just sort of sleep it off. But, this time it was different I woke up the next morning with the same headache bugging me all day at church. Since that day, I have woken up every single day with a headache. I will wake up with one every day and go asleep with the same one, sometimes it will hurt MORE than it did in the morning and sometimes (rarely) it will hurt LESS. But, although I spend every day with this headache we really haven't gotten to know each other as well I as I would have liked. Sometimes I try to avoid it even being around. But, it is like a lost puppy that found a home with me and just WON'T GO AWAY! I really have been over this headache since the day we met. But, it just seems to want to be with me so badly and I can't do anything to make it go away. It has been so frustrating and extremely emotional. I feel so horrible for anyone who has had to be around me during any part of this process (especially my winter semester roommates that had to deal with me on steroids...they made me SO moody!) With all of the frustrating things that have come with this headache, I think the thing that has become the most annoying is not knowing what is causing them and having no treatment. So, here is sort of the journey I have been through with this headache. All of the things that we've been through to try to figure out why things are the way they are and why it won't go away.

 So, January 28^th I woke up with a headache. I have rarely woken up in the morning with a headache, but this one was really weird. It got worse throughout the day and it was a really miserable weekend. Then, it went on every day for a few weeks. It would never go away; I took a bunch of different pain medications and I even mixed different types of meds. (Nothing dangerous… although my roommates got a little afraid for a while and tried to take me to the hospital, they literally carried me out of my apartment once to go in until I finally agreed to go to the doctor if it continued another week...and it did continue). At some point I had the opportunity to receive a blessing and I was told in the blessing that I would be healed and the headache would go away. I went into the doctor and they just gave me an IV with a bunch of different medications in it to “help”. (it was torodol, benedryl, and phenegran)They definitely did not help. So, I went home completely drugged up and slept a lot. I went in on a Friday and then over the weekend my headache got to be so terrible, so I almost went into urgent care, but I decided to wait until Monday just to go back into the regular doctor. So, when they were shocked to see me back they sent me to the hospital for a CT scan of my head. They found a cyst in my sinus so I got referred to an ENT (Ear nose throat doctor) for later that week and was sent home with some MIGRAINE MEDICINE (called fioricet). When I went into that doctor he basically told me that the cyst was large, but it probably was not what was causing the headache because cysts (when they are a problem) they cause more of a localized pain and that was not what I was experiencing. So, he tried some different medications on me to treat a tension headache (steroids and muscle relaxers.) But, those didn't do anything either. A few weeks later I ended up in the hospital because it had never been as bad as it was that day. So, I went to the hospital and they just gave me oral medications (vicadin) plus an IV (with torodol, benedryl, and phenegran again) and had to put me on oxygen. Then, when nothing worked they finally put me on morphine. That helped, although I don’t remember most of the rest of it I was told that I was super crazy and I couldn’t really open my eyes. But, eventually I found myself back at home. But, it was an interesting experience. I woke up the next morning just exhausted and really hurting. It was no fun. So, I went back to the ENT to figure out what was going on. He was confused so he sent me to a neurologist to see if there was anything going on there. I had to wait 2 weeks to get into the neurologist and the whole time I was taking heavy duty pain pills (like vicadin was one) and nothing was even making it go away. So, that same week I also went to get a massage which was relaxing, but still didn’t make anything in my head any better sadly.  By this time it was March. The second week in March or so was when I had my appointment. The week of my appointment I was given a blessing again and the blessing was more specific than the first. It was exactly what I needed to hear at the time and also in it said that I would be healed through modern medicine. So, I knew that I would be healed I just didn’t know how long I would have to wait until that blessing was received fully. The day of my appointment I  walked in to check in and I said my name and the lady was sort of confused, like she had not seen my name anywhere. So, she looks all over in the computer and in her new patient folders for the day. Then she went to a back cupboard and found a sheet of paper with my name on it. Turns out they took my appointment down but never put me in their computer system, so they made another appointment for two weeks later and sent me home. I had to get my boss to cover my shift for work and had to drive a half hour for this appointment so I was pretty ticked off at this doctor's office. But at this point I knew everything was happening for some reason, I just didn’t know what the reason was yet. I called my dad and he said I would be coming home and they would book a flight for that week. I was in shock how quickly my life had just changed drastically. Within 4 days I was in Nebraska instead of Idaho. The flight was awful for my head. They were the two longest flights I had ever taken. My head was throbbing the whole time. I had to put my head between my legs just so I wouldn't scream out of agony. The flight attendants were extremely concerned for me. They came over a lot and asked the people how I was and the people next to me always told me I was sleeping even though I wasn't. I WISH I could have slept! Once I got to Nebraska I had appointments with my primary doctor he tried a few different things and he sent me to a neurologist who gave me a different medication (a beta blocker) that just made me act funny. Then, one day I felt inspired to go to a chiropractor, I had looked up things online before and already had a specific office in mind. I went there and they were so intrigued with my case. It was crazy. So, this was the end of March and I was supposed to go back in two weeks from the first time I went in. I failed a test that they did on one of my arteries called a declines test and they were worried I had a stroke. So, they did light treatments on me just in case I had suffered more than what it may have seemed. I had my boyfriend come out to Nebraska so my mom had me drive back to Idaho with him so he didn’t have to go alone and I came right back here 4 days after I was in Idaho, so it was a quick trip. But, then I came back and I kept getting treatments from the chiropractor, three times a week, every week, they were trying everything they knew. I got a test done (called a dopler) on my artery and there was not any blockage, meaning I didn’t suffer from a stroke. It was nice to know that that wasn't the issue, but at the same time I almost WISH there was something major and obvious wrong just so I would know what to do to treat it. I was just having weird headaches every single day. Then, about two weeks ago I started taking some different medications. I went to a different ENT here who gave me different things to take as well. There is a little swelling on my head so I was taking things to lessen the swelling. About a week and a half ago I went to get an MRI done just to make sure nothing was wrong there and mostly I just had a lot of mucous and my cyst was still seen. There wasn't anything else wrong. Now, I have been taking them for a few weeks and I’m finally starting to feel like me again. Well, at least until the past few days. It's been weird, my headache has been back to it's worst. (well almost its worst) I don't know what is happening. But, I'll make it, I know it.

It has just been crazy the past four months of this I have been incredibly blessed. I have been able to be on the receiving side of service and the mercies of God. It’s been absolutely amazing. So many things have helped me, family, friends, the scriptures, church meetings, and especially prayer. I feel like every Sunday my headache is just bearable enough to go to church, then after church it always seems to get worse, but I know that it’s because going to church is SO IMPORTANT. I know that the Lord is watching out for me and I know that all the priesthood blessings I have received throughout these months will be fulfilled. I truly believe that I will someday be healed and someday I will one day wake up and I won’t have a headache. I have been so blessed. I didn't always realize how blessed I was through this experience though. It has been more of a recent discovery (at least the full discovery at least...) I have been able to accept the way that things are and find a way to be happy anyway. I've been making a few new friends here in Nebraska, but I still REALLY MISS my Idaho friends. I have come closer to my Heavenly Father and I have really been able to receive some IMPORTANT personal revelation. My life has some huge changes coming within the next days and months. Once all my big changes are in effect I guarantee I will be blogging about it. But, for now... I CHOOSE HAPPINESS :D :D :D