Sometimes in our lives we close our own chapters of our lives. But sometimes it seems like chapters are ended by someone else and we have lost control of the story. Sometimes we are in a way forced to start a new chapter. Those people around us, often make decisions that in the end actually effect us. Take relationships for example (of course that would be the first example... can you tell I just went through a break up?) If someone is in a relationship and they decide they don't want to be in it, then they don't want to be in it. There isn't anything you can do or say about it. When you resist you just look pathetic. When you agree you are just contributing to the issue. If it is something that you didn't originally want and you fight for it then it's going to just be an issue for awhile... You will play the situation in your head over and over again like a movie. But, it doesn't seem to ever make any more sense than the first time it went through your head, right? So, what you have to do is fight for what you want even if it makes you look pathetic. Because you won't really regret doing what you felt like you had to to fight for what you wanted. But, this is how I feel this time. I fought for awhile. But, then about an hour after I realized that if it wasn't him, it would have eventually been me. He was driving me absolutely NUTS. (and no, not in a good way) I couldn't get myself to get over it. Just last week we had two tiffs. I've always for the most part been chill in my relationships, but not this one I guess. Maybe it had something to do with our quick beginning. Or our interesting first month of going on "dates". I don't really know what it was. But, there was something. Now right now I'm hurting I haven't been broken up with for quite some time. I've been hurt by guys I never dated and I've been hurt by guys I've dated that I eventually broke up with. But officially broken up with? Yeah, been quite some time. But, the biggest part that I don't understand about this relationship? He told me he loved me at the same time he told me he started thinking about breaking up with me. We had multiple discussions about our feelings for each other and how we felt like we were in a really good place and how we were going somewhere. Turns out that's not actually what was going on at all. I guess communicating still sometimes doesn't even make everything clear. People can still hide their true feelings and the other person in the relationship can still be confused and have no idea they were even confused until it is too late. But, once they understand the whole story, it will seem like everything previous was a lie. When really often times it would have been a lie. But, who knows what to say about situations such as these. Just that you (I) need to keep your (my) chin up and continue forward, accept what this new chapter has to offer. But, since the past two weeks I've kind of been having weird thoughts in general mine sort of seems to just want to rip out the last chapter and go back to reread an old one. Re-reading old chapters can be dangerous but it can also be helpful and encouraging. Sometimes we can learn from our more recent mistakes and fix older chapters, mend them and bring them into the new chapter. Sometimes this can be dangerous sometimes it is what's best and sometimes it is just done out of anger. It really all depends on what type of chapter you are going back into. But enough about these chapters. I'm figuring out where I'm going next and I already know, I've known exactly where I want to go next for a few weeks I have just been too much of a wimp to admit it to myself. Now I can (without shame) admit a lot of things. I'm excited and ready for this new chapter (I may or may not be speaking for just right now... we'll see). But, I think that I'm just going to go to bed and get a wonderful sleep. Get ready to take on the day tomorrow and enjoy life. Because LIFE is amazing, I love life. And I choose happiness! I CHOOSE HAPPINESS. Seriously.
