Jumping the Gun

This phrase has always been different to me. I just looked it up and this is what I came up with... to do something too soon, especially without thinking carefully about it. If someone running in a race jumps the gun, they start running before the gun has been fired to start the race.  I'm always jumping the gun. I think SO far into the future that I don't think about the HERE and the NOW. I think being a member of the LDS church I feel like we're supposed to look to our futures. Think about our future families, what we're going to do, how we're going to do that. I think I always look to the future. I'll look at something, like for instance, I'll be in a store and I'll see something as simple as a frame and I'll just think... I want that in my house someday. Or, I'll see something like pots and pans.... I'll picture cooking in the kitchen for my husband. And this really makes it sound like all I'm thinking about is marriage. But, no that's not the only thing I'm doing. Yes, I live in Rexburg Idaho and yes, this campus is filled with couples. Yes, they are married couples a lot of the time. Yes, there are professors that have asked about the dates that occurred over the weekend or how people's boyfriends/girlfriends are doing. 
So, can you really blame me for having marriage in the somewhat front of my head?? [maybe you can.. it's probably just me, who knows how many others feel that way around here.] Anyway, I have many other things I jump the gun on. Something as simple as freaking myself out for a weekend, or a big event. I just psych myself out so easily. I don't think it's a bad thing as LDS members to be so future oriented, I actually think that's wonderful, just lately I think I've been taking it too far. I've been living with the attitude of, "everything will work out in the end" when to be honest I don't know that it will. Especially with my classes currently, I haven't been putting fourth my full effort. It's no good! I've been so focused on.. what if this, or this happens. When will I do something more? I just need to focus on today and maybe tomorrow. Today I study for finals, tomorrow I do the same, I try my hardest to try to recover from all the screw ups I made. 


Right now I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I go to Nebraska. I have absolutely NO IDEA. I want to know what's going to happen in the next few months! SEE JUMPING THE GUN! Even right here, while I'm rambling on my blog. What a crazy person I am! But, it's okay I'm not freaking out as much as I'm making it seem. Because I am definitely choosing to be happy :D  

Summer summer summer

I miss my SUMMER!!!! I don't even really think I remember what it was really like to be just hanging out in the summer. I miss my summer job at papillion recreation (this picture is from last summer at the job). I miss the kids! I've sort of been thinking that I really just want to work with kids in some way. More than a lot lately. I love kids! It's just really always been a fact of life and I want to go to school for something with children. I used to want to be a pediatrition, then a pediatric nurse. Then, now as I'm actually in school preparing to be a nurse, I'm just unsure if I can even hack it. I think I really want to do something in recreation. I love being outside! It's one of my favorite things! I think I just need to switch majors to that, I'm really serious. I think that would make me so happy. Doing something where kids are in my life daily. I mean when I know I'm not getting married any time soon, I won't be able to have my own kids for awhile, so I would love to do something with other people's children. I just need to figure out my life in some way. It's just too bad that I had to wait until almost my second year of school to decide that I want to do something else completely different. I won't even really be able to do anything about it until sooner... But as for right now I'm most definitely choosing to be happy :]

So remember when I said I was going to change?

Yeah... about that whole changing dealio... it hasn't really happened nor will it ever happen. But, I am going to be doing a whole lot more blogging. I think my goal is once a week. Making a goal and writing it down make it easier to achieve! So... SOON!!! :D But.. I am going to be using lots more pictures!! :D Here's a recent one edited.. so.. OF COURSE I'm happy! I'm blogging again! :D today I choose to be happy!

[oh.. and just because I'm uploading and all doesn't change that I'm still primarily using this blog for myself... as you can see... I don't have any followers... there's a reason for that ;)]

IT NEVER ENDS

STRESS STRESS STRESS It's very upsetting to try your hardest and do absolutely horrible at something. I've felt that way all semester about school. I feel like the more I try, the worse I do. I know how much sense that makes.. absolutely ZERO But, to top off my horrible grades and complicated life. I got a letter from one of my best friends who is on a mission yesterday. He said a lot of things that made me think. ='( I cried a bit. But, that's okay it's life. I'm taking it as an opportunity to improve my life. He told me that he thinks I'm having too much fun. Can you even have too much fun? I really didn't even think that was possible! BLECK. I'll just hope for improvements in myself. Devotional yesterday at BYU-IDAHO definitely helped a lot to get me to think about what I needed to change. Even though this was before I knew about the letter. PRAYER PRAYER PRAYER. It's the answer to everything in my life.

I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!!!!! :D           :D             :D            

Confusion

BOYS BOYS BOYS. It's always about boys isn't it?! UGH! They are crazy crazy crazy... Speaking of crazy, I may be pretty borderline crazy with what I did to David Archuleta. Well, not him exactly.. just what I did that has to do with him. Here's the link to my crazy adventure with THE CREW. I love the crew the crew consists of my best friends! Marissa, Kristina, and Shaela! I love us together SOOOO much!! Our story about David.
Anyway.. after a wonderful distraction... Why do guys always have to be so darn confusing?! Is it beneficial to be confusing for themselves? Do they get more out of it because they don't have to commit and they can also get away without committing, they can know that girls will wait around. Sometimes even like little puppies.Well, I guess in this case I'm probably only speaking for myself. [Not that this boy is holding me on a string or anything... he doesn't know I like him, he just thinks we're friends... not his fault.]
All I know is I have a boy I've had a mini crush on for weeks. When I find a day when I think he's interested, the day after that he's a rock. Yes, a darn rock! Ridiculously hard to read! I want to just get to know him a little better than I already do, even though we hang out so much already. I just don't know how he doesn't see that I like him. Bleh. This is plenty of the story for now I believe..

But, it's okay because even in my stress.. I choose to be happy and I absolutely love being happy!! :]