I don't know what is going on this week. But, I have been all over the place emotionally. Thinking at one point that I knew what I wanted and it never was. Nothing in my life feels right. I know all of the guys wanting to date me right now are not right. I don't want any of them. (well right now I don't at least) I make it sound like there are a lot but really there are only 2 that if I called showed up and said, hey! Let's date they would love it. Then, there are others where there are complicated circumstances that make it so I shouldn't and couldn't (shouldn't) actually date. Anyway.. I'm still confused about a lot of stuff. I just know a certain someone is coming back from a mission soon and I don't want to be in the same state as him when he gets home but I'm going to be! I would be okay if he stayed on his mission for the rest of my life so I didn't have to know that there was a possibility of running into him at church activities. I just know how much he doesn't like me and I don't want to face him because I know how much I love him now, it would only get worse and I would hurt more if I saw him again.
It's Just a Memory:
They are something to hold on to,
Something to remember,
Some make us smile,
Some make us laugh,
Some make us angry,
Some fill us with regret,
When I think of a specific memory,
I feel the hurt and the pain.
The love that hasn't left my heart,
The heart that he still holds.
The heart I gave him long ago.
I need to forget,
But, I can't.
I can't because I don't want to forget.
I want then to be now.
I miss the memory,
I miss that life.
I miss him.
But, none of it matters.
He doesn't miss me.
He wants nothing to do with me,
The only problem is I don't know why.
It makes me want to cry.
I don't know what I did to him,
I would never hurt the one I love.
All I want is his happiness,
And if that happiness is not with me,
Then I will find a way to be happy,
Somehow.
But, still I choose happiness. :)
